“Let’s Chat for 20 Minutes” — Why I Don’t Take These Calls Anymore

INTRODUCTION

You’ve seen it. Maybe you’ve even sent one.

“Hey James, I’d love to have a 20-minute chat to explore possibilities.”

It shows up in your LinkedIn inbox like clockwork. A stranger—sometimes with a pleasant-looking profile photo, sometimes with the thousand-yard stare of an AI-generated image—wants “just a few minutes” of your time.

They’re “interested in synergies.” They “respect your work.” They’d “like to get to know you better and see where things go.”

I don’t take these calls anymore. And I’m going to tell you why.

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THE MATH DOESN’T ADD UP

I’ve been in tech for over four decades. From hands-on development to architecture, management, leadership, and strategic direction—I’ve been in the trenches and at the table. I’ve built solutions. I’ve led teams. I’ve fixed messes I didn’t make. I’ve earned the right to be selective with my time.

Now, along comes someone with 5 or 8 years of experience. Perfectly fine. We all start somewhere. But their pitch? “Let’s have a 20-minute chat and explore possibilities.”

Let’s just play this out:

Assume for a second that time and experience are forms of capital (because they are). If someone has 40 years of capital and someone else has 8, why would the senior person hand over their time without a clear purpose or mutual value?

You wouldn’t walk into a bank with $5 and ask them to match it with $50 “just to explore synergies.” Yet that’s what these requests often feel like.

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THIS ISN’T ABOUT BEING UNKIND

Let me be very clear: This is not about being cold, arrogant, or unwilling to help others.

I enjoy mentoring. I’ve donated hundreds of hours over the years to people who genuinely wanted to grow, learn, or improve. But those people had clarity. Intent. Respect. They didn’t just want a casual coffee to “see where it goes.”

The “20-minute chat” trend is something else. It’s vague. Directionless. And more often than not, it’s a thinly-veiled pretext for something else: a pitch, a favour, or brain-picking without compensation.

It’s like someone asking you to dinner without telling you who’s cooking, what’s on the menu, or why you’re being invited. Pass.

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I CAN SMELL A HIDDEN AGENDA FROM ACROSS THE INTERNET

Here’s the thing seasoned professionals learn over time: if someone doesn’t state their intent up front, they’re either inexperienced, nervous about rejection, or not being fully transparent.

None of those are ideal foundations for a business conversation.

I’ve had too many of these calls where 10 minutes in, the “exploring synergies” mask drops, and it becomes clear I’m either being sold something, or someone wants free consulting under the guise of “connection.”

If you’re going to ask for my time, just tell me the truth. “I’m building something and need advice.” Or, “I think I have a product you might like and I’d appreciate 5 minutes to tell you about it.”

I can work with that. What I won’t do anymore is hop on a vague Zoom call with someone who might just be killing time between coffee and lunch.

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LET’S TALK ABOUT OPPORTUNITY COST

When I was younger, I said yes to more things. It’s part of the game. You learn by doing. You make connections. You take chances.

But time changes you. And if you’re not adjusting how you spend your time as you grow, then you’re probably not valuing it enough.

Every “quick chat” I say yes to is a decision to say no to something else:

• Client work
• Deep work
• Rest
• Writing
• Heck, even just riding my bike or enjoying a rare quiet moment

“Twenty minutes” is rarely twenty minutes. Add prep, context switching, and follow-up, and you’ve blown an hour. Multiply that by even a few people a month and you’ve torched a week every year on random calls with strangers.

I’m not interested in burning that kind of time anymore.

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THE POWER OF SPECIFICITY

If you want to talk to someone with more experience, here’s how you improve your chances:

1. Be Specific.

Don’t ask to “explore possibilities.” Say what you want. Example:

“Hi James, I saw your post about Docker-based AI deployments. I’m trying to get something similar working and I’m stuck on volume mapping. Could I ask you one question via DM or email?”

That’s gold. I’ll probably help.

2. Respect the Asymmetry.

Say, “I know you’ve got decades of experience and a lot going on. I appreciate even a quick pointer if you have time.”

Shows awareness and humility.

3. Offer Something in Return (Even If It’s Small).

“I’ve been testing some lesser-known AI deployment tools. If you ever want a quick rundown, happy to share notes.”

Now we’re talking value exchange.

4. Don’t Default to a Call.

Calls are heavy. Try DM, email, or even comments first. Let it build naturally. I’m far more likely to respond to someone I’ve seen engage intelligently in a thread than to a stranger asking for a chat.

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IF YOU’RE REACHING UP, DO YOUR HOMEWORK

Want to talk to someone more experienced? Fine. But do your homework.

If you message me and ask what I do or what I’m working on, you’ve just told me you didn’t even read my profile. Why would I give you time?

Instead, show me you’ve looked around. That you understand where I’ve been and what I might care about. That you’ve at least taken the first step toward making the connection meaningful.

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THIS ISN’T JUST A TECH INDUSTRY PROBLEM

This trend isn’t limited to tech. It’s happening everywhere. The rise of remote work and virtual networking tools has made it easier than ever to ping a stranger and ask for their time. And many people don’t realize just how precious—and protected—that time has become.

We’re all overwhelmed. We’re all optimizing our calendars to survive and thrive. And that means fewer random calls and more intentional interactions.

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WRAPPING UP: LESS FLUFF, MORE INTENTION

The next time you think about sending one of those “20-minute chat” messages, stop and ask yourself:

• What do I actually want from this person?
• Have I done any homework?
• Am I respecting their time?
• Can this be done in 2 messages instead of a 20-minute call?

If you can’t answer those questions clearly, you’re probably not ready to reach out. And that’s OK. Take the time to get clear. Then try again—respectfully.

And if you’re someone like me—on the receiving end of too many vague “let’s chat” invites—know this: You don’t have to reply. You don’t owe anyone your time. And no, you’re not being rude.

You’re just being intentional.

#StayFrosty!

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